Green...Green...Green...Green...Green...Green...Green...Green...........RED!

The waiting is finally over. You've been fully grown for a while. An age in fact. You've teased me agonisingly, like thoughts of Nobbly Bobbly ice lollies at 10.30pm when the Co-op's shut. But now the teasing is over. You are ready.

My first red tomato of the season. After 4 months of nurturing, coaxing and pleading you have finally come good. You are the super hero of my crop. The other tomatoes are mere mortals – still pissing about in the 'Green' lounge. They may well be trying hard and,Lord, the sun has been-a-shining-a-plenty, but they haven't even come close to your majesty. So red. So plump. So perfect.

And your prize? An evening spent in the five star accommodation that is my stomach. Breakfast to be served between 8 and 10am with checkout time being 11, unless of course I have a chicken dansak tonight, in which case you may well have to be out before breakfast.