My Birthday and I

A Birthday celebration (the piss-up bit) rarely happens on one's actual birthday, This is due to the realities of work and the paltry 2 day weekend we've somehow ended up with. Did ancient man have a weekend? And if he did would he have spent most of Sunday dreading the next day? Haven't we gone wrong somewhere?

And so this year I find myself celebrating my birthday not on Tuesday but on a Friday night so everyone can get 'utterly arseholed'. I'm a huge admirer (why do I have issues with using the word 'fan'?) of the film 'Withnail and I' – and I make no apologies for being so. And for my birthday I've organised a viewing of my favourite film in my favourite pub.

The film is pure class with the finest script known to humanity. One but can't help quoting it's many wonderful lines of eccentric whimsy. As my dear friend and fellow 'admirer' Ben Gurney-Smith so famously once said "It's a text for life". Almost any social situation gives rise for a 'Withnail' quote opportunity.

There's the classics: "We've gone on holiday by mistake"; "As a youth I used to weep in Butcher's shops"; "Here Hare Here"; "Are you the farmer?".

Then the admirer's choice cuts: "Ice in the cider"; "He's so mauve"; "Never attempt anything without the gloves"; "Look at Geoff Wode".

Then comes the hidden gems: "More meat?", "Bollocks to the Wellingtons"; "I'm making time"; "Black puddings are no good to us"; "Probably wintering with his mother in Guilford". 

And finally the humdrum; "That wouldn't make any difference to last week's payments"; "Telegram!"; "It's dinner and Danny's here"; "Tanks - Afrika Korps".

I'm actually taking my obsession to a new level, quoting from ephemeral visual matter contained within the film: '405 SBH' – Withnail's registration plate; 'Dawn Pepita Simmons' – the author of the sex-change article Marwood reads in the cafe.

In fact I'm going even further than that and starting to quote lines that never appeared in the film and I've simply made up myself: "My lapels are rotting", "Do you know what's in my handkerchief?", "The dashboard's alive!".

Now, some may say I am taking all this too far. My obsession bordering on mental illness. But I shall simply turn to those people and say, "It's society's crime, not ours."