Will The Real Man Friday Stand Up?

You know the dilemma. You're on a quiet train and your phone rings. What to do? Well, today I was on a quiet train, my phone rang and I answered it. Why did I do that? Cue 'train voice'. In my case a monotone, self-conscious drone devoid of gags and playfulness. Just details: "I'm on the train. I get in at six. Yes. No. Yes. Fish fingers are fine. Bye."

Of course there are others on the train who don't give a damn and talk freely and loudly about their lives and don't care about offending, annoying or being judged: "Yeah, Dave. Yeah I did her Dave. Yeah, Doggy style Dave, that's right. Shit though Dave. The bloody condom came off didn't it Dave. I know Dave. Dun't matter, reckon I'm a jaffa anyway Dave. Yeah Dave. Anyway Dave. It's Spurs tonight. Should be a cracker Dave. COME ON YOU REDS!"

Of course I don't want to be as socially inept as that but I do want to overcome this self-consciousness to some extent. I vow to make it a new year resolution. I'm just going to be myself on the phone in public. Be it on the train, bus, the Co-op or down the GUM clinic with Dave's mate.

Watch out human beings in public places - the real Adrian Lancini is 'coming out'.