"Whoopie-woo, it's Fireworks Night!"
You'll notice I've refrained from calling it Bonfire Night. And you'll notice the 'whoopie woo' has a sarcastic inflection. That's because I have issues with fireworks. They have gradually replaced the bonfire as the showpiece. Bastards.
Yes, fireworks are bastards. And here's why:
1) They kill and mame people, sometimes badly
2) They pollute the atmosphere with incredibly harmful toxins which destroy tomato plants
3) They cause stress and depression to cats and monkeys
4) They create ephemeral 'thrills' that mask the true beauty of stars in an evening's sky
5) They only truly entertain people under 10 years old. If you're over 10 years old and are still entertained by them, then please for the love of God, stop it
6) Their sales are controlled by anti-Christmas extremist who use profits to buy weapons of midnight mass destruction.
That all said I do quite enjoy Catherine Wheels
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