Hilarious Glastonbury Text Message Fails To Be Hilarious

My friends are at Glastonbury. As every year, I pretend for a few days I'm not bothered not to be there with them, before bombarding them with text messages; trying to somehow experience it all through their sparse responses. 

To feel even more connected, I thought I'd work as an informant this year, supplying them with a breaking news service; keeping my eye close to the Internet coverage.

Glastonbury is always a rumour mill: The Four Living Criminals are playing with Driller Killers on the Aled Jones Stage NOW; Sid Vicious has returned from the grave and is playing with John Lydon in a tribute of their own band, called 'The Ex-Pistols'.

I thought I'd have a bit of fun with this and text them some hilarious bogus rumours. Unfortunately though, I wasn't really on form today and the best I could come up with was:

The Boo Radleys are backing Paul Hardcastle on the Heinz Has Beens Stage.

Not my best work, it must be said.