I wish I could absquatulate. At tonight's party I was feeling a tad jaded. Not really 'on form'. I really could have done with just sloping off into the evening's embers, to the distant cries of, 'Where's Adrian? He was here a moment ago. I bet he's only gone and left without saying bye again.'
However, if you haven't a reputation for doing this then leaving without saying goodbye will arouse suspicion and fear. 'Shit. Where's Adrian? Oh no, something terrible must have happened. He's probably fallen down a dog or something. Maria, phone the police. Mike and Xavier, get your jodhpurs on – we've got ourselves a man hunt!'
Acquiring a reputation for absquatualtion would take time, but whilst spending three quarters of an hour tonight saying goodbye I come up with a solution. A business card explaining your wishes to be a potential absquatulater and imploring people not to worry if you suddenly disappear later. This could be handed to people at the start of the evening. Perhaps including a picture of Ralph Little on it for no reason whatsoever.
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