Whilst on a countryside jaunt I called up two friends, one a singer/songwriter, one a photographer, and left voice messages pretending to be an American agent called Lionel Fuckface.
Acting as Lionel, I offered the singer/songwriter a Festival headline slot on a Scottish island and the photographer a one-day exhibition at a top San Francisco gallery. Both fictitious offers were for the 25th of December (Christmas day) and both involved them being paid a shed load of money and crack-cocaine on tap. As much as they wanted of both money and crack-cocaine.
Neither friend replied. Lionel will be taking his offers elsewhere in the future.
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