Today I entered an on-line competition to win Leicester City football tickets. I had to write, in under 45 words, what my pre-football match ritual is. I won't win. The winner will have written something along the lines of: I ALWAYS HAVE A CUP OF BOVRIL JUST BEFORE KICK-OFF AND STIR IT FIVE TIMES ANTI-CLOCKWISE SO CITY WILL WIN.
I assume my effort, though very honest, will be judged too eclectic and perhaps a little alienating:
ARISE. SORE BACK. SHOWER WITH TEMPORARY OUTBURSTS OF TOURETTES. DON DULL FABRICS. TOAST: MARMITE FIRST, PEANUT BUTTER SECOND. A HUNDRED MINUTES OF FIAT PUNTO – PJ HARVEY IN TOW. SOLIPSIST THOUGHTS PASSING THE BP GARAGE ON NARBOROUGH ROAD. PINT. HEAD TO THE GROUND, LIKE AN AGEING FLY TO HORSE SHIT.
What's more – it's over 50 words. Ah well, probably find something else to do with my Saturday.
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